A Diwali Story- Daddy Saxena Style

So tomorrow is Diwali, the Hindu holiday for the festival of lights. As in any relationship, its a big deal when you take your significant other home for the holidays- so this is my big weekend- bringing Sarcastically Delicious home to spend Diwali with the folks.

During dinner this evening Daddy Saxena asks Sarcastically Delicious (SD) if he knew the story of Diwali. I interjected and explained that I told SD that Diwali was the festival of lights in honor of the goddess of Laxmi. Laxmi will come to your home and bless you with health, wealth, and prosperity.

Daddy Saxena said, "Not really." And then he proceeded to tell what is a mega epic in a few minutes (Cliff Notes to the extreme). Before he began, he first apologized for his crude retelling. He's an engineer, not a religious scholar.

A long time ago (before Jesus) there was a King in India with four wives. To his youngest wife he made an oath: if at any time she needed something, he would fulfill her desire.

When the King was ready to retire, as was tradition, his eldest son, Rama, became King. The youngest wife became jealous and was upset that her son wasn't King. So she went to her husband and said, "I want you to make my son King and I want you to banish Rama and his wife Sita to the jungle for fourteen years." The King had made an oath that he could not rescind and so he fulfilled his youngest wife's wishes.

Daddy Saxena explained that this was a period where sons were the epitome of obedience, never questioning their father's wishes. So the King told Rama that he and his wife Sita would have to step down from the throne and live in the jungle for 14 years. Rama was like whatev and he stepped down from the throne. Rama's brother, Laxman, did not think this was cool and he was like where ever you go, I will go AND I will help you protect your wife. Now, the youngest wife's son was pissed (Daddy's Saxena's words) at his Mom for demanding Rama's removal from the throne. The youngest son told the people of the land that he wouldn't accept the crown, but rule as a representative of Rama for the next 14 years.

So now let me tell you a little secret about Rama. He was an incarnation of God! And he had an enemy. There was a king on the island of Lanka who was said to have the brain power of ten heads.

Sarcastically Delicious raised his eyebrows and said, "He had ten heads?"

To which I explained that he didn't have ten heads, but the brain power of ten heads-kind of like a computer with a lot of RAM and a big hard drive. That clicked for SD.

So anyway Ten head guy wanted to go to heaven. And apparently the only way to go to heaven at that time was to be killed by a God. Since ten headed guy was so smart he figured out that Rama was actually a God. So he created a plan. He was going to provoke Rama into killing him by stealing his wife Sita.

One day Rama leaves to hunt for edible vegetation and he asked his brother Laxman to watch over his wife. Laxman was like, "I got your back bro." So Laxman and Sita are chilling and Sita was like I need some water. Laxman agreed to go get some water for Sita but before he did, he drew a circle in the dirt around Sita. Sita did not know what he was doing. If anyone encroached inside the perimeter of this circle, a fire would erupt and burn them. Before Laxman left he told Sita NOT to leave the circle until he returned.

Ten head guy thought this was the prime time to strike. He disguised himself as a beggar, went into the juggle, and staked out Sita. He approached her and asked her for some food. Being a very generous woman, Sita said, "Of course. But you will have to come inside this circle." Ten head guy stepped inside the circle's perimeter and felt a powerful surge of heat up his leg. He jerked his leg back. After that he some how sweet talks Sita into walking out of the circle to give him some food. And Sita DID. She actually walked out of the protective confines of her circle! Ten Head Guy kidnaps Sita and runs of with her.

When Rama returns. He is TICKED and then this GIANT war ensues. During this war different Gods take part. Daddy Saxena explains that Ganesh (the God with an elephant trunk) was kind of like Minister of Defense. But what Rama and the others didn't know is that they were playing right into Ten Head Guy's hands.

Ten Head Guy's achilles heel was his belly button. The only way he could be killed is by an arrow shot straight at his belly button. And of course during the war, Rama strings his bow, aims, and kills the guy with a shot straight to his belly button.

By the time the war ends fourteen years pass. Rama, Sita, and Laxman return back to their kingdom. And Diwali, the festival of lights, is actually a celebration of the return of Rama.

At the end of Daddy Saxena's story I retorted, "So if Sita had just listened to Laxman and stayed inside the freaking circle, an EPIC war would have been prevented?!?"

"That's women for you," Sarcastically Delicious replied.

This story was not meant to offend or wrongfully portray the Hindu religion in any way.  I apologize if I accidentally offended anyone. I just wanted to memorialize Daddy Saxena's incredible telling of this story in terms that SD and I understood and thoroughly enjoyed.