Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Disconnect

I feel like I write the best when I write a little bit everyday. In the late winter/early spring time I was on a roll. My hands were constantly in my story, I barely had to re-read what I wrote from one writing session to the next. I was always in the moment, my characters and plot consistently somewhere in my mind, whether it be in the forefront or the background. I could take a fifteen minute break in the day and use it to pump out a decent amount of wordage.

Lately, writing has become sporadic. And I find it's harder to squeeze in productive writing sessions. I still try though, but often I have to re-read the last couple of pages just to reacquaint myself with the setting and the mood. And right when I get to the end of what I'm reading, itching to grab the pen and plunge in, that's precisely when life interrupts me. Sigh. I close my notebook and shift my attention to life.

As this happens more and more, a negative attitude sets in of why even try because I know as soon as I try to re-read any of my manuscript in preparation to write, something will pop up and thwart my intentions. And then before you know it a couple, then several days pass without writing a word because I'm searching for that ideal time to write; a couple of free hours to dedicate to my pen and imagination. Soon, the guilt sets in as I realize I'm not giving my goals one hundred percent. I'll never finish this draft.

When I listen to an audio book or walk by books at the store or library I no longer feel that surge of exhilaration that comes with dreaming and aspiring. There's a total disconnect. And then when I do find time to write, I'll choose to peruse my manuscript instead only to disbelieve that I actually wrote any of it. I'm mental, what can I say.

Eventually, I put myself back together and the writing and the dreaming proceeds again without a hitch, but only after I take the time to crawl out of the swampy disconnect that I've created for myself.

7 comments:

  1. Wow. I know how that goes. Good luck and I hope you find your way, whatever direction that may take you. =)

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  2. The disconnect is a real problem for writers who can't dedicate hours every day to their craft. If there's no time, the gap between writing and real life widens. At least you recognized the feeling of being disconnected and you chose to change it. Good for you!

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  3. I know exactly what you mean. Having just started a new semester of college, and applying for my major, and working two jobs---it seems like there's never time to write. But I'm giving myself time every day to at least do some brainstorming, if not actual writing, pertaining to my story. Or some research. Anything that keeps me in the world I have created :)

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  4. So glad I'm not the only one. =)
    Thanks for dropping by!

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  5. Oh wow I could have written this. I have to disconnect myself to write and then it's a mad house. And then I have to disconnect myself to stop writing. I am currently about ready to begin the madness once again. I have a draft that is begging for revisions.

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  6. Oh, I know the feeling. But sometimes you need to take a break from writing for the health of your writing. Kristin Cashore just wrote a lovely post about this - I highly recommned it!

    Hang in there, and give yourself a break when you start to feel bad about not writing. Sometimes you just need time and space to rejuvenate.

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  7. Sometimes it's just a matter of letting go for a bit (harder said than done, admittedly), other times it's just powering through. Momentum's a bitch to lose.

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