Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It's Not Fair

March 24th was my one year ACL surgery anniversary. I had thought about writing this positive post about how much I'd learned this past year and how the injury made me take a step back and re-evaluate my life, and how wonderful rehab is, and everything is butterfly and rainbows.

But, I couldn't bring myself to write the post. The day came and went and I didn't even really mention it to anybody. It was just another day.

But I remembered. I remembered how scared I was and how I wrote my surgeon a note about how important skating was to me and that I was putting one hundred percent of my trust in him. I remember all the pain and how I couldn't even lift my leg, let alone walk.

So I guess I should be thankful that I can walk (close to normal) now and I can most definitely lift my leg to put my pants on in the morning. But every time I look at the banner of my blog and read the words Writing, Skating, Laughter, I can't help but feel it's all one big fat lie. Let's face it. I can't skate. And this morning I just broke down crying because I don't honestly believe I ever will. I called Sarcastically Delicious (aka boyfriend) and when he heard me bawling on the phone I'm sure he thought someone had died.

So I'm sorry this post isn't all upbeat and positive, but this just plain sucks.
After one year post-op most athletes have returned to their sport. And I know that ice skating is especially demanding on the knees, but why did I have to be that small percentage of patients that developed patellar chondromalacia. If you google the problem they describe it as mild irritation under your knee cap. Mild my ass. Basically my knee cap grinds against my femur whenever I try to do anything. It stinks. I've been doing therapy for a year. One year! That's not fun either. I even drive to see a doctor a hundred miles away every week or two just so we can get my quad working correctly again. It was helping a lot in the beginning, but now my quad is trying to regress. It sucks.

Isn't it supposed to be that if you work hard then you see results? I'm not seeing any results. And the fact that it's been raining for the past five days is also making my knee all sorts of happy (NOT). Ugh....
Why was there a hole in the ice March 10, 2010 and why did my blade get stuck in it? Why?
This officially ends my rant session.


  1. That just plain sucks. I'm so sorry :(. It's OK to rant every now and then. It's a great way to get out some of the frustration. I really hope your knee is just taking a little bit longer to heal and that you'll get to skate again. I really do. Good luck and I'll send happy thoughts to you today :).

  2. Thank you for the happy thoughts Keriann. I truly appreciate them.