Thursday, May 20, 2010

Touche

Sarcastically Delicious (aka boyfriend) and I are bit of jokers. Together we own a DVD rental kiosk company called Movies on the Spot. He sends out weekly e-mails to let our customers know what new movies are coming out each week. I receive a copy of these emails as well. This past week the movie Valentine's Day was released on DVD. I kind of want to see it, but Sarcastically Delicious doesn't like romantic comedies.

In response to his email I wrote:
Dear Movies on the Spot,
How can I convince my boyfriend to watch Valentine's Day with me? I mean it's made from the people who made Love Actually. Who wouldn't want to watch that?!?
Anita Saxena

Below is his monumental response:
Dear Ms. Saxena,

Therein lies the problem. By actually having a "boyfriend", I must assume that he is heterosexual since he is still dating you. If this premise holds true, then he cannot be a homosexual--naturally (or unnaturally depending on your beliefs). Your statement that "...it's made from the people who made Love Actually" implies that he may have actually watched said movie. From this, I must question my prior assumption that "he is heterosexual" or believe that he was forced to watch said movie against his will, which would be in violation of his civil rights (assuming he is in fact a US Citizen and should be granted those rights as set forth in the Constitution of the United States of America). If he is not a US Citizen, then no violation of civil rights exist as he has not been granted such rights.

Regarding Love Actually, this movie personifies the oxymoron "romantic comedy" like none other. Perhaps a definition of the conflicting words will enlighten you.

Romantic (as defined by dictionary.com)
–adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or of the nature of romance; characteristic or suggestive of the world of romance: a romantic adventure.
2. fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: romantic ideas.
3. imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc.
4. characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.
5. displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
6. ardent; passionate; fervent.
7. (usually initial capital letter) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a style of literature and art that subordinates form to content, encourages freedom of treatment, emphasizes imagination, emotion, and introspection, and often celebrates nature, the ordinary person, and freedom of the spirit (contrasted with classical).
8. of or pertaining to a musical style characteristic chiefly of the 19th century and marked by the free expression of imagination and emotion, virtuosic display, experimentation with form, and the adventurous development of orchestral and piano music and opera.
9. imaginary, fictitious, or fabulous.
10.
noting, of, or pertaining to the role of a suitor or lover in a play about love: the romantic lead.

Comedy (as defined by dictionary.com)
–noun,plural-dies.
1. a play, movie, etc., of light and humorous character with a happy or cheerful ending; a dramatic work in which the central motif is the triumph over adverse circumstance, resulting in a successful or happy conclusion.
2. that branch of the drama which concerns itself with this form of composition.
3. the comic element of drama, of literature generally, or of life.
4. any literary composition dealing with a theme suitable for comedy, or employing the methods of comedy.
5. any comic or humorous incident or series of incidents
To better exemplify the the characteristics of such a genre, I suggest the following term:

Shit (as defined by dictionary.com)
–noun
1. excrement; feces.
2. an act of defecating; evacuation.
3. the shits. diarrhea.
4. Slang. pretense, lies, exaggeration, or nonsense.
5. Slang. something inferior or worthless.
6. Slang. a selfish, mean, or otherwise contemptible person.
7. Slang. narcotic drugs, esp. heroin or marijuana.
8. Slang. possessions, equipment, mementos, etc.; stuff
In particular, definitions 4 and 5 seem most appropriate. Oddly enough, definition 4 correlates well with definitions 2 and 9 of "romantic." To revisit the "comedy" aspect of "romantic comedy" I would argue that no fitting definition exists (see above) to use the word when describing Love Actually. However, "comedy" may simply be meant as tongue-in-cheek if one believed the movie to actually be "shit" as many men (heterosexually speaking) find the subject of "shit" to be quite humorous.

Let's move forward to a discussion of entertainment vs time. Is it better to waste 3 hours watching "shit" as presented on DVD or similarly formatted media or simply spend a few extra seconds postdefecation watching real "shit" swirl in amazement as it travels down the porcelain abyss?

In conclusion, I see no entertainment value in watching "shit" for 3 hours. Unless your boyfriend is a homosexual or an illegal immigrant (whom you could force to watch the movie as he would have no civil recourse) I see no way to convince him to watch Valentine's Day with you. Besides, if he watched Love Actually, or any similar "shit" movie, then he's already seen it.

Good Luck,
"Sarcastically Delicious"

3 comments:

  1. oh my gosh. SD is wonderful :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha. I think you should rejacket the box with something manly and see how much he'll watch before he realises.

    ReplyDelete